30 Jan Worship Ruined for Local Magazine Editor by Frequent Slide Errors
LITTLETON, CO–Stephen Walker is quietly considering leaving PeakView Community Church after another disheartening morning at church.
“I’m not sure how much longer I can take this,” he said to reporters as he strutted across the parking lot. And what is driving Walker up the wall? Errors on the slides during worship.
“Every week it’s the same — just about every song has bad capitalization, wrong hyphenation, missing punctuation, or poor syncopation of the lines to what we’re singing,” he said.
“I’m really not sure who is putting together those slides but I’m certain they skipped class in freshman English the day they went over punctuation.”
You wouldn’t think people would be that nitpicky since church is supposed to be a place of grace and forgiveness. For some, it’s just not that easy.
“It’s kind of like when you’re watching a movie and someone is climbing through the ventilation system and gets stuck. You panic and start hyperventilating. I just have to close my eyes and not watch. People think I’m being spiritual when it’s just that I can’t take it anymore”.
Sources tell us that Walker isn’t alone in his concerns. Local high school English teacher Marilyn Powell is having difficulties, too.
“All week long I grade papers by my students with poor punctuation and come to church hoping for a reprieve,” said Powell. “Just last week one of the songs said, ‘Its amazing’. Obviously, it should be a contraction.”
Walker tries to be helpful by sending several emails to the worship pastor, pointing out the various errors.
“I don’t know if my emails end up in his spam filter or he forgets to let his assistant know. Or maybe he just doesn’t care,” remarked Walker.
For now, Walker will try to be content and give some grace, but also mentioned there are probably other churches that give more attention to what’s shown on the screen.
This is a satire, kind of like Babylon Bee. Please don’t get worked up over it because it’s a spoof.